temporary vacation?

rumor says that my job is almost at its tail end.

part of me doesn't care that it's almost
done, and the other part is freaking out.
the part that doesn't care is telling me that
i'll have more time to plan the wedding
and time for other things that i
never really had the time for.
the part that's freaking out is screaming,
'you need money to pay for the wedding you want.
you also need money for your bills!'
[why am i always fighting with myself?]

i don't have any job lined up for after this
whole nightmare of a temporary job ends.

i was told when i got hired, that the job i work at now,
was temporary to hire.
6 months into working for the company i get told
the job is just strictly contractor
which means its done when its done.
i felt so used and lied to. but i had nothing else.
and almost a year and a half later...
still so very much confused. :(

i've sent out more than 50 applications and
i've only gotten denial email after denial email.
it is a bit depressing.
chris keeps telling me i'll be okay.
i want to believe in that but it's really hard!

i am being positive about this situation
in every way i can.
i just hope i'm jobless for one week max. no less, no more.
chris was joking that it's a temporary vacation
and that would be nice!

[29 days left for lent]