leap of faith

i understand that we have to literally
start from the bottom to get to the top.
what i didn't know was how crappy
the bottom actually was. :(

one thing about myself is that, i know i
have the potential and heart to do what i really
want and love to do.

again and again i bring it up because to this day
i still can't overcome the fear and nervousness
of taking the leap.

what if the odds aren't in my favor?

i think the word i'm looking for is safe. yeah,
i like to know that i'm going to be safe.

struggling is a really touchy subject for me.
sometimes struggling gets you where you want to
be, but i can't do it. it's too scary.

i always ask for signs. but either i'm not looking
hard enough or i'm really being punished.
maybe i'll get where i need to be. and go where
i'm meant to go. someday.

i'll take the leap of faith. someday.