chasing dreams

i have some sad, sad news to bear.
and i have so many mixed emotions about it.
i wasn't sure if i wanted to
write about it, but i figured i should.
to help me cope. i won't get into
detail because it's my personal issue,
but it cut pretty deep, given the circumstances.
i just wanted it so bad. and now a
new obstacle has risen.

i found out about two weeks ago...
my job will not allow me to
flex to go to school, as i have been doing.
i leave during the day to go to
school and make up the time throughout the
week, so as to not burn up all my pto.
this has thrown my whole
graduation schedule off course.

i don't want to prolong something
that needed to be done awhile ago. it was
my time to really put my best
foot forward and kick school in the ass.
i was already very hesitant to go back
because of the full time job and
being married. this news just doesn't help that :[

everyone is telling me, it'll
work out for the best. and i'm sure
it will, but it's still hurt a little
to know that the place i
chose for employment is technically
not backing me up. i mean, i
get it, there are hr issues and bleh,
blah, bleh. not getting into it again.
but, it makes me feel
very unappreciated. and they always say how
great of a worker i am. i don't need
bad news to be sugar coated, thank you.

i worked my tailfin off to get
back into that school.
and i'm so close to being done that it
just stings that much more.
i cried uncontrollably at work for an
hour after i heard the news.
because as much as i would love to,
quitting irrationally isn't very smart.
as a "great worker" i will try to work with it

i understand that this is partially
my own fault because i didn't
succeed the first time at school.
but i was on the road to recovery. redemption.
maybe that's why it's so upsetting.
because it feels like another failure.
like it's not meant to be or i don't know.
things keep falling in my path.
and i just don't know how much strength
i have in me to push those boulders
out of my way to clear it so i can walk through.

i feel like i'm chasing fireflies.
they're right there. glowing, beautiful,
and within reach. but when i reach
for it... i come out empty-handed and
it flies away. my
dreams are the same. i reach for
them, stretch out as far as
i can, and only graze the edges.
i only get a sensation, not the whole experience.

"location, location, location"

this is the third chapter in
the wedding keepsake book.
stay with me everyone! lol!
i know it's a lot of jumping around!



the chapter consists of a pros and cons list
for the type of wedding you want, such
as: outside, destination, or even at your home!

there are also questions to guide you
through choosing a ceremony and
reception site, as well as
a walk-through checklist for jotting notes.


ceremony

it was very easy for me to decide.
i had always known i wanted to get
married outdoors and lucky me, my hubs agreed.
but this was probably the most stress
i had on the planning front. because the ceremony
site i had my sights on was already booked.
my husband and i scoured the city for a place
that was something i would love and was outdoors.

we got lucky and my husband found that
the place literally across from the
original spot was available. so we
booked it quick! and it was perfect-o!

it rained the morning of our wedding
and i'm not going to lie, i freaked!
but when it came time to say
our vows, the clouds parted and the sun came
out to say hello! i'm so thankful!
lol! [read my older blog about rain
on wedding days: candy-rella blog


reception

it was also very easy for me to
decide on the reception site, in the town
we live in, weddings are typically
held in the same place. i knew i
wanted to break that 'tradition'. mind
you, we don't even live in a
very small town...

i don't remember how many venues
we looked at, but i knew i
found the right one when i saw it.
it was very pricey and my
husband's mom was telling us that
she didn't think it was attainable.
everyone was shooting us down
about the place, my dream place, which is ironic
considering chris and i did book the
venue and paid for it ourselves!

i only hope to get married once
in life. so, this wedding was the big one.
told my hubs, go big or go home. lol!

product review: roux fanci-full - silver lining #42

as most readers know, silver/gray
hair color is the 'it' style right now.
so, as i do naturally, i wanted it bad!

i tried to do it
professionally first. i can't
be super mad that it didn't take,
because my hair was black [natural color]
and now it's blonde/yellowish. which
is easier for silver/gray to hold onto,
thanks to my stylist for that!

since that way didn't work i
decided to try some at home dyeing.

i found this youtube video from tashaleelyn:

the video :

she's the main reason
i decided to buy the product.

product: roux fanci-full - silver lining #42
i got it at sally beauty, but
i'm sure there are other places to purchase it.
here's a link to buy it: sally beauty

i do like the product, but i don't love it.
it's just a rinse, so it comes out
after a shampoo.

to obtain the color, you have to
repeatedly put the rinse in your hair
after a shower. it's hard to disperse
evenly as well because it's really liquid-y.

it gives me a dingy dirty gray color,
not exactly the "silver" i wanted.
but my hair was a yellowish/white color before dyeing.
but i think i'll continue to use
it until i get sick of applying it. lol

here's my hair!
it looks different shades under certain
lights. 50 shades of gray! ha!
[here looks more white, but i swear
that it's gray! lol]