half of my heart

lately, i've only been putting half of myself into everything.
work, relationship, my own happiness, life.

i don't mean half-assed, half-assed is laziness and that's
the one thing i'm trying not to be anymore.
what i mean is... i want to put all of my heart into something
but i find that i'm not 100%, i'm only 50% involved.

i've always had really big dreams and i guess i still haven't
gotten to my goals and dreams... so my faith in myself is fading.
i don't want to give up but i just can't find it in me to fight anymore.
i've given my all before. i just wasted so much of my time.
i'm getting older, i guess i don't want to waste any more potential.
but why hold on to it and really waste it.

i think it's also the fact that i have almost nothing that i'm good at,
i don't really have a lot of friends, my boyfriend gets sick of me, etc.
so that's half of my personality that's unsatisfactory.
there are so many things that i'm striving for but only 50% of me is invested.
and the other 50% says to stay where i'm comfortable...

when will i win this battle with myself?

counting

i've been struggling with weight loss
in the last few months.
i work out about 3-4 times a week,
i guess i eat whatever i want though
and dieting is a big part of weight loss.
just two years ago i could've eaten anything and lost weight,
and now i'm stuck at the same weight...

i now count my calories with an app on my iphone called myfitnesspal, and it's FREE!
i like it a lot, it logs how many calories you eat
for breakfast, lunch, dinner and snacks
and you can add in your workouts and it'll subtract the calories that you burn from it.

i entered in my weight loss goal and it says if i continue the program,
i can lose 3 pounds in five weeks [that's not including working out]
sounds pretty good to me... but it's hard because staying within the calorie limit
and not being hungry anymore is a killer... i have to train my body to stay full.
it's worth a try and if i don't see any significant results,
i can always try other things.
i won't back down from this fight.