not so good at the whole friendship thing

i've never been good at being someone's friend.
maybe that's the reason why i can't
really say i have all that many.
it's not so much me as a person, but more like
it's always me that has to initiate conversation
and it's always me that has to suggest something.
i know. i know it sounds so selfish.
it's so true though... i want to be the one invited
sometimes and i want to be the one who is relaxed
and waiting for someone to talk to me first.

i've never truly ever kept a friend. we're all sort
of just acquaintances now, we just say hi when we see each
other and converse through social media, that's it.

i don't know. maybe it's the whole 'going out and
partying' that i've messed up on. is that what i need
to do in order to keep a friend? but why does it always have
to resort to that kind of thing? why can't we have
lunch or something? it's not exactly fun but it is something.

i do wish i did have a best friend. really.
it feels like such an important part of a woman's life.

depriving?

a part of me feels like i'm
missing out on a part of life that everyone
should experience because i don't really
like to go out and party.
i don't like to get drunk. but i do
drink leisurely from time to time.
yes, i am one of those stay-at-home kind of people.
i have gone out before once, it's just not me.
it's not who i am. it was enjoyable.
but not something i can do all the time.

i do feel like i am depriving chris of everything
he used to love too. maybe that's why i
feel so guilty about never wanting to go out.
not that he loves bars or anything, but he used to love
to dance and he was pretty outgoing. he likes to
stay home with me and the dog now.
i feel like i stripped him of the person he was.
and that's another part of me that i can't let go of,
i can't forgive myself for it.

i know the solution is easy and right in front of me,
let him go out either with or without friends and
go out on the town with him, sometimes.
it's hard for me to want to though, since
like i said, i don't really feel like it's my scene.
we'll work it out. he said he's fine the way things are.
i trust him, but maybe we really can work it out.

project bling #31

oh yes!
another project finished!
[i feel so proud of myself!]

--candy: 3 -- unfinished projects: 16--
[well damn, i'm still losing!!] lol.

and i know you all have been on your
toes, just waiting for me to upload
another project bling! :P

this time i chose to bling a bra!
yep, you heard me! a pretty little lace
number from the victoria's secret
dream angels collection.

well, as you all have been waiting for,
and as i've promised
the pictures of my progress:

lent is over!

i know, i shouldn't be that excited
over it... given i made a healthy lifestyle change
for lent, i gave up candy, cookies, chips,
pretty much all junk food.
but i'm so happy it's over!
and to say the least i was successful
for the whole 40 days of lent!!
go me! :P

let's flashback a few blog posts to the one
called 'lent' published on 26 february 2013.
i started it a little late because i was not fully aware
of what lent really was. so my lent ended this past
sunday, 07 april 2013.

it actually was a lot easier than i thought
considering i love my junk foods! every time i wanted
sweets i just reached for the stuff with natural
sugar in it, for instance, fruits! lol!
[it didn't help chris wanted cupcakes, donuts,
and cookies while i was on lent! men! making
everything so damn difficult!]

it's finally over!
i'm enjoying chocolate and cookies again!
nom nom nom!

date nights in a jar [march]

hello lovelies!
yep you guessed it...
date nights in a jar for march!
[*hooray*] :)

here's the picture:


1. all things vegetarian date [i know it's hard to read]
chris and i went to a newer restaurant
downtown called proof. it was a mediterranean place
but had vegetarian options. we couldn't cheat
because our stick said all things! chris ordered roasted eggplant
and i ordered falafel. we both dislike eggplant but
everything there was soooo good! we plan to return.

2. enjoy a scenic drive
we drove up to ledges state park [about 30 minutes
north of us] and took the backroads
instead of the highway there. it was nice and relaxing.
and a pretty decent day for being winter/spring
season. we used to love to just drive around in our
early days of dating.

3. go shopping and surprise each other [with gifts]
we split up at jordan creek mall and gave
ourselves a limit of no more than $100.00, i got him
the tomb raider game on ps3 and a mint colored
button up from hollister! i heart mint!
he got me a bikini that i really wanted!

4.body painting with icing
lol! this was interesting! i looked up edible
body paint/icing online and saw that there
was some at spencer's gifts, so chris and i
went to go pick some up. :P
[i know there are some at vs but i wanted
something else]. it was a fun night!

[6 days left for lent]