anonymous letters

alongside my previous post
called 'therapeutical writing' i
decided to post one of the
anonymous letters that i've written.
you see, anonymous letters are a form of
my therapeutical writing and coping.

the meaning of these anonymous letters
are to free me from things that maybe someone
has said or done to me.
it's not always the answer to confront the
issue head-on. so, i cope with the issue
in this way, this form. my little scraps of paper.

here's an anonymous letter i wrote a
few weeks ago, i've found it in my pile of stuff,
it's my raw writing:

"it's really very upsetting when someone who
knows you... who has known you... all their lives puts
so little faith in who you truly are.

i know you don't like him and even though
it's been so long and i can't even remember why anymore
and it still to this day hurts me
somewhere deep, deep, inside...

i still want you to be a part of everything.
i want you to care. i might not show my feelings
as obviously as you do about certain things,
but that is just how we are.

i can't bear it sometimes because you think
i do things despite you. you should know me better
than that. honestly. it's never the intention,
even though i have really bad timing and
it appears like i am. you have no idea how much i try to
make you as well as everyone else happy.
even over my own happiness.

maybe you should be the one to understand for
once and try and let down your guard.
the fight is almost gone in me to help you, help me."

therapeutical writing

they say writing is a great form of therapy...
i do agree. i have scraps of paper everywhere
with my thoughts, dreams and ideas on them.

[i have a regular journal. i even have an art journal].

but why is it that whenever i try to
transfer my thoughts to paper, i can't.
it takes days, sometimes hours.
things sound so right and logical. then i process
it all out in writing. and it's all wrong.
it's not really capturing the moment and the
feelings that i want them to.

i feel like i'm battling two versions
of myself. a mental and physical part of me
that can't get along.

i truly wish that writing would heal all the pain
and everything i didn't want to deal with.
but at least it helps sort through all the things
swirling and suffocating me in my head.

i still can't really explain what i'm trying to say. :[

and so it begins...

yesterday was the start of my
wedding dress shopping craziness.
i went with a friend of mine from work,
named tamie. love her! lol!

we started at a small shop in valley junction,,
[a tiny little olden day vintage-made town], called
selina's bridal. it was my first bridal
shop stop because i didn't want to go to a bigger
shop first and be overwhelmed from not knowing what to do.
it wasn't terrible...
the staff was nice, but there wasn't too many
gowns to chose from, just mostly ball gown styles.
i wanted to try on different styles
to see what flattered my body type. but at least
i do like ball gown styles! that was a plus.
oh well... like i said it wasn't terrible and
the staff was nice.

we then went to david's bridal. i honestly
have to say that even before i was engaged i wasn't
to big a fan of the shop. it's always busy and hectic.
well, tamie and i show up without an appointment,
we just browsed at the gowns.
we both were pretty upset because nothing really
stood out and everything looked really old.
i guess i am kind of glad that i
didn't have an appointment, i would just wasted time.

i have another appointment this wednesday at
a bigger store... wish me more luck!

date nights in a jar [april]

here's our date nights in a jar for april!



1. all things cajun date
chris and i went to a small restaurant on the
south side of town called fat tuesday.
it was one of those hole-in-the-wall
type places. it was delicious! i had gumbo and chris
ordered jambalaya and gator bites.

2. make a time capsule and open in 5 years
i purchased an old vintage suitcase [see it on
my instagram: [candyxgram]].
and chris and i threw in a few things we would
love to discover again in the future!
shhh, we can't tell!

3. classic movie night
we went all crazy and bought junk food, wine and
pizza. we both chose the movie
breakfast at tiffany's because we both
have never seen it and i love tiffany and co. and
chris likes audrey hepburn.

4. donate to a good cause
to be honest with this one we didn't exactly
know where to start. we didn't just want to donate
money to a random charity. so, we thought...
maybe a care package to the military!
it was fun finding the stuff to send to them. i
really hope they enjoy it!

until next time...