battling dark demons

we all have demons.
many different types of them.
the worst part is, we create them on our own.
hoping someone will help fight the battle
with you. these are the kinds that we
need to fend off on our own.

its been years of battling for me.
the only way i can defeat the cycle is to
shed some light on the issues.
i have to deal with my indecisions.
i'm never quite sure. and that's the problem.

round and round in circles. never-ending.
demons swirling past, like a shadow hanging
over me. theres a rain cloud following me.
i need to find the light.
i need some one to shield me from the rain.

i'm always safe. i'm too cautious.
to some that's a good thing.
sometimes it brings too much fear.
causing more depression. causing more pain.
causing anxiety.

i sort of know what i want in life.
but i'm too lazy/scared/unsure of how
to get to that point. that point, that push
to throw me over is nerve-wracking to think
about. so i push it away.

i can't deal with nervousness very well.

support. i've never been the one who liked
recognition, that's too much unnecessary attention.
i am only human, though. i need support.
in my personal life, jobs and school were hard on
us. we didn't give each other the support we needed.
in my professional life, round and round the
demons swirl faster and faster.
i'm not good enough there. i work so hard and
i'm not treated as an equal.

one by one is how i handle it. day by day.
breath after slow drawn breath.

i'm trying everyday to hold my torch up high.
i'm fighting.